Friday, March 18, 2011


I guess what's started this obsession is that my seat got moved in math class. I sat all the way in the back. I wasn't supposed to sit there, but my math teacher's usually pretty cool and he let me change my seat there. Math just frustrates me so much that I need space, and there was no one on either side of me. In the classroom, there are six rows. The middle two rows are the only ones pushed together so they're touching. And that's where the teacher moved me to.
There are a few things that are okay about this. Actually, no, there's only one thing good, and that is that I'm sitting behind this girl Selby, who's just plain old amazing. She's like I am when I'm hyper, only she's that way all the time. She's so much fun. But the guy I'm sitting next to... It's not that I don't like him. It isn't. In fact, this time a year ago I would have been ecstatic. I had so much respect for him, held him up on this high pedestal, and he kinda took a nosedive off of it over the summer. So I don't exactly want to sit next to him first thing in the morning.

I'm having a lot of trouble adjusting to the fact that Bryar and I aren't what we were. I mean, he was my best friend for so long, it's really hard. Although at this very moment I'm talking to him in another window, we're not actually talking. He sent me a couple of funny links, but I'm on overload and have a very short attention span (which is why this post is taking four times as long as usual to write). But we're barely talking. I remember there was a month or two where I'd talk to him every day, and now I'm lucky to hear from him once a week. And everytime I see him wallposting with people he hasn't known as long as me, it kinda feels like a punch in the stomach. I don't know. I'm over him, that's for sure. I'm so in love with Clay I can't look at anyone else. But it still hurts that Bryar and I aren't close any more. Again. You'd think I'd be used to it, but I keep hanging on to the hope that we'll stay friends even through all this.

But there are good changes. Like Jake Meizell. Forget about my ex, this is my "brother." I've been friends with him since the beginning of the school year, and we've steadily grown closer. I can trust him. He's one of the few people who can calm me down when I'm in hysterics. Like today, when there were rumors flying around about a shootout after school and I was terrified to leave my last class and he calmed me down.

Going to bed.

Signing off in a weird mood

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Advocacy, and Sick and Tired...Literally

*channels inner vlogbrother* This blog post comes to you in two parts. Part one: advocacy. Part two: sickness.
I feel like I failed, but oh well. Not thinking straight anyway.

Part one: advocacy. If you can, please visit and follow the instructions to help kids all over the world, and especially in Japan. And while I'm advocating, I might as well send you to which is a free way to help end world hunger. I've been doing this for over seven years, and when I first learned about how some things like this aren't actually real, I Googled it. And trust me, it's real:

Part two: sickness. I have gotten sick yet again. This is the third time in the past two months that I've gotten sick enough to stay home from school. My friend Jake is begging me to see a doctor, even threatening to send one to my house ("I know a guy" "oh, so you have people?" "yes. yes i do. and don't think i won't do it"), which, honestly, I think is crazy. The reason I'm getting sick is that I haven't been getting enough sleep, so my immune system's down and I'm catching everything that crosses my path. That's all. But anyways, I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Bonus: Easily irritable seven year old+jumprope=hilarity for her older sister

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Wow It's Been a While

So a lot has happened since I last posted.

I turn sixteen today :D

I got two new pets. They're degus, which is like a mix between a chinchilla and a squirrel. Their names are Pika(chu) and Yuzuyu.

Bryar is so not happening. Long story short, right after my last post I met this amazing guy named Clay, and Bryar broke my heart yet again. Now Clay and I are going out, and have been for three weeks now. It's moving fast. But we haven't kissed, and that's good with me. It takes a while for me to trust someone enough to be able to kiss them. He's definitely something special, though. He's over here more often than not. In fact, he's moved in. It was my mom's idea. His mom and stepdad... Well, they don't give him the best living environment, and he's eighteen, so he moved out of their house and onto our couch. He keeps me sane when I nearly lose it, and he respects me. I love him.

Moxi is no longer my friend. Long story short, I'm tired of her being so jealous when good stuff happens to me, and tired of her abusing me, and tired of her having no boundaries, so I've decided I don't want to deal with it anymore. It's gotten to the point where she's started getting violent when we argue, which is all the time, and I am NOT dealing with that. And I feel bad, because I don't want to be another one of those girls who pushes away her best friend because she got a boyfriend. But I'm not being one of those girls. I'm being one of those girls who is given a new perspective and can take a step back and see how bad it's gotten. I mean, she hit me in the face because I was cuddling with my boyfriend. It was at my sweet sixteen party, around two in the morning, and I hadn't sat with him for more than five minutes all night. You've got to understand, while Clay and I don't kiss, we hug and cuddle and tickle and wrestle. I'm used to getting at least two hours of cuddle time with him every day. I was so worried about not being that gross couple and keeping everybody happy and tending to all my guests that I was barely around him. I was exhausted and he was soft and warm, and I sat with him on the couch. She called me disgusting and threw a Jenga block at me. It hit me in the face and just missed my eye. For those of you who don't think a Jenga block can hurt, think again. You get enough power behind it and it can cause some damage. The block went behind the couch. I told her to go get it. She blatantly refused. I found a reason to leave the room a little bit later and Clay followed me. We sat with my degus and he calmed me down. When we went back in, Moxi was cuddling with a friend of ours more than I had been with Clay, and they don't even like each other like that. She was just a total brat the whole time she was there, and it sucked.

My sweet sixteen was awesome. More another day. But it showed me how many real friends I have, and how I don't need the fake ones.

Anyways, I'm tired and I have school in six hours, so I should go to bed.

Signing off, tired but happy and in love,