Tuesday, December 14, 2010


So I got to thinking today, about how this is a blog about a writer, but I haven't really blogged about my writing yet, except for that one dragon tears story. So here's the beginning of a story I planned out and haven't actually written yet except for this.

Life has a funny way of changing in ways you'd never expect. Like, everything's going fine, you're happy with the hand you've been dealt, and then you glance down at your cards and realize you were looking at them wrong: you have a totally different set than you'd originally thought. Sometimes it's a better hand, and sometimes it's not.

It was the first day of freshman year, and already things were not going as planned. My best friend, Delilah Richardson, had not shown up. This could mean one of three things: she was sick, she forgot, or, most likely, she talked her dad out of making her go. Kitty (her nickname, as she hated her real name) and I have been best friends since first grade. She's loud, bossy, controlling, and the best friend you'll ever meet. She's insanely funny and insanely crazy. We were like two parts of the same person, and we desparately needed each other.

Lunchtime rolled around, and I was cursing Kitty. We had both choiced into the school, her for the band and me for the academics program, and I didn't really know anybody there but her. I bought my lunch and spotted a table with only one other kid at it. He had his head buried in his arms and seemed to be sleeping, so I figured it was safe to sit there. I pulled out a chair across the table and a down a bit from him and sat down.

"What part of 'leave me alone' didn't you get?" he asked without lifting his head.

"I'm- I'm sorry?" I stammered.

He sat up and looked at me. "Oh. I thought you were someone else."

"Guess I should be glad I'm not, then," I remarked.

He smiled. "Definitely. So who are you?"

"Colbie Landon. You?"


"Just Nikolas?"

"Yeah. I don't think last names are important. You're a freshman, right?"


"Well, welcome to Olathe High. Finding everything alright?"


"Are you going to eat your lunch?"

"Oh. Yeah." I picked up my fork and stabbed a ravioli. "You're not going to buy lunch?"

He shook his head, but didn't offer any more information.

I studied him as I chewed. Normally I'd feel bad for staring at him, but he was staring right back, seeming to be doing the same thing I was. He had shaggy dark hair and eyes so blue they were startling. I felt like he was familiar, like I should know who he was, but I didn't. Maybe we'd gone to elementary school together. He had on a leather jacket with a black t-shirt underneath. He had a scar on his left cheek, starting in the corner of his eye and going down to his nostril. He had another on his neck. His hands, balled into fists and resting on the table, were also adorned.

"Clumsy kid?"

He followed my gaze and shrugged. "Something like that." He put his head back down, a sure sign of the end of our conversation.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Bryar :D (and some more good news)

You know, the one I've talked to every day now for about a month. And it's funny, it took a mental breakdown on my part before things got back to normal. Maybe it showed him I still need him, I don't know. But no matter what, it's all back to normal. We're talking on facebook or texting at least once a day. I saw him about a month ago (which was when I had my breakdown). We were doing stuff at a park. Then we went to Cici's and then back to Dave's house. He stuck by my side after the breakdown. And at Dave's, he kept doing stuff he used to last year to make me smile, and since then, it's been normal. Better, even. We'll be talking on facebook, and the conversation will die off a little, and we'll not say anything for a little bit, and then one of us will say something like "moo, I'm a sheep" and the conversation will pick up again. "Hey, isn't this easy?" ("and you've got a smile that can light up this whole town..."). Or I'll be in one of my moods where I'm restless and can think of anything to say, and he'll pick up on it right away and tell me ("you're bored" "you need sugar" "you're acting different tonight"). I feel like if we were Na'vi, he'd be saying "I see you." It feels good to have someone who knows me so well. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

So now to more good news. Today marks exactly one year since I last attempted suicide. So I was in a weird mood all day. Sad and reminiscent and grateful. So much good has happened since :)

Signing off, feeling okay