Friday, August 20, 2010

Newness and Smallness and Purple

I'm typing this sitting in my sister's closet in Leonard's new condo. I would be in my own closet, but the inspector is using it because it has the only portal to the attic. I definitely feel totally epic right now. I'm sitting in a closet, blasting David Bowie and eating Twizzlers. You can't get any better than that. See, I'm like the exact opposite of claustrophobic. I'm, like, a claustrofile. So I like closets.

My room, affectionately dubbed The Poop Room because of its color, is the smallest. About five eight-to-fives (each 22 1/2 inches long) each way. I'm gonna repaint it, probably a light purple, and I think I'll bring the old curtain from our house. I don't use it anymore because of the placement of my bed. I kept stepping on it and eventually broke the rod. The curtain's still fine. I might get a purple one instead. The Poop Room doesn't have a light fixture yet. I want one of those big purple lamps. I also want an air mattress instead of a real bed, and I want a little purple reading lamp next to it. I don't want or need a big dresser like at the house. I'll be here maybe every other weekend at the most. Depends. I might get a little dresser, or none at all. I'm not going to have anything on the floor of my closet. Everything'll be up on the shelves.

I'm having fun thinking about decorating The Poop Room. I decorated my room when I was eleven. I've changed a lot since then, and so have my tastes. I don't want the blue and clouds stuff anymore. I don't want the expensive furniture in the big room. I want the simple stuff in the small room. When we moved into our house, I picked my room because it was the biggest (and it was the only one facing the backyard, but whatever). I picked The Poop Room because it was the smallest. Also, it's not shaped like a rectangle. The closet is in the room, so it's got a little bit jutting out and it has an inverted angle or whatever they're called. It's kinda like a little hallway leading to my room. It's only a foot long, but it's enough so that if I sit in the corner away from the door, you have to take a couple steps into the room before you can see me. Funny how stuff like that makes me happy.

Signing off and thinking about "Things To Do in a Dark Closet,"

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Band Camp: Day Two

Screw band politics. Screw being nice. And you know what? Screw Jenn.

We claimed freshmen yesterday, and nobody wanted this girl named Sarah, so I took her. I wanted a freshman, I didn't care what she was like. I've been dreaming about this since band camp last year. I wanted to be to some little freshman what my upperclassmen friends were to me. I met Sarah, and I liked her. Jenn was stepping on my toes about her, but I was ignoring that. Until today.

We're supposed to have a pencil at every rehearsal. I had one in the morning, but it was in my denim shorts pocket and I changed to my other shorts at the last minute for the evening session (denim's not comfortable in ninety degree weather when you're marching), and I forgot to grab the pencil. We were writing on our charts (kind of like blueprints for where we need to be on the field) how to get from one spot to another. I was afraid to ask Mr. Wittman for one because of the fact that the social anxiety makes me terrified to call attention to myself like that. Jenn had already written everything on her own time, so I asked if I could borrow her pencil. She grudgingly let me have it. I mean, it's not like I let her share my pencil last year or anything. I set it down for a second so I could flip the chart over and she snatched it away. Sarah saw this, and offered me her pencil. Mr. Wittman saw Sarah without a pencil, and so he asked if she needed one. She said "No, I have one. We're sharing mine." And he gave me a pencil. Later, we were exiting the auditorium when Jenn passed me and said something like "Not my fault. I thought you were done."

This would've been something I could've let slide if it had stopped there, but it didn't. Later, Jenn and Sarah and the other sophomore, Meghan, were standing in a circle and talking about something and laughing. I couldn't hear all of it, but I caught enough bits and pieces to know they were talking about the pencils, and now Sarah's completely ignoring me. And Adam, my section leader, knows about my stomach issues and that they get worse when I get hot, and he would periodically turn around and fan me. Every. single. time. he did that, Jenn called him over because she "needed help." If I was a bolder person, I would have said "All you need is a punch in the mouth" or something to that effect. Of course, me being me, I didn't do that. I just kept quiet.

So half my section hates me so far. Whitney, the other freshman, is likely to go over to the dark side soon, because she and Sarah are really good friends. And I'm the one who brought cookies yesterday! All I'll have left is Adam and Maya. Of course, if I could choose which two would be on my side, it'd be those two because they're my section leaders :D

My Aunt Terri is telling me to kill them with kindness, but I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if it's even worth it. It won't work, that I know. I've been nothing but kind and helpful to Sarah the past two days, even after she stopped talking to me. It takes too much effort to be kind to Jenn. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't see the point of it. She's going to hate me no matter what, so why bother?

Signing off, pissed and devastated,


Monday, August 9, 2010

Band Camp: Day One

It's that time of year again, people. Time to dig out the lyres and dust off the instruments and make innuendos and crack inside jokes that must be explained to the freshmen. Time to sweat off ten pounds and march until your feet are sore and watch the saxophones wrestle and break in the new drum majors. That's right, band camp has started for the Yellowjacket Marching Band.

This year's show is called "Phantom of the Piano Studio." It's a bunch of well-known piano songs, many of which you hear when a piano is present and someone who really plays is not. Don't ask me names, because the only one I knew the name of was Fur Elise, and that's because that's my favorite piano song. The rest were stuff you hear in cartoons and commercials and stuff. And it's all jazzy and it's got random weird noises and it's amazing. Next time I'll post a link so you can listen to it if you want.

So today was, well, it was difficult. I got sick, I mean literally sick, during the morning session. And it really really sucked because TODAY OF ALL DAYS, Bryar decided to come visit band camp and I didn't notice him until I was running for the toilet. And we didn't really get to talk because of stupid band politics.

Band politics means that I cannot piss off a girl like Jenn, who is Bryar's ex. It was a hard breakup, and I got dragged into the middle of it. ("You're leaving me for her, aren't you?") Okay. Yes, I had a huge crush on Bryar at one point. Yes, Bryar and I are/were (complicated) really close. But come on, girl. Would he really leave you for me? Even if I would take him? Because, you know, I'm sooo much more beautiful and brighter and bubblier than you, and I can definitely see a guy like Bryar leaving you for me. But I have to stay on her good side from now on. I finally got back on it. But if she were to see us hugging or being the really good friends we are, she'd get pissed. And if Jenn gets pissed, not only does she hate me, but all her friends hate me too. I don't need half the band hating me. Plus, even worse, she and Bryar's so-called "friends" that she has wrapped around her finger will take it out on him.

But there were some times where today was good, and all because of Moxi. Today was my first time seeing her since the fourth of July. It was wonderful. We were watching the senior march-off, and the stomach pain got so bad I started crying. She said "What hurts?" in that soft voice she reserves for when I'm really upset. It kinda made me cry harder because 1) I've missed her so much, and 2) it reminded me of the other times she's used it to calm me down. And then there was the ride home from the night session.

We were giving her a ride home like we'll do most, if not all, nights this week when we noticed her dad's car in front of us. We both shouted "Follow that car!" Mom did, real closely and creeperly like we told her. Her dad made a different turn than he was supposed to in order to get to their house, and Moxi shouted "Speed up! Beat him to the house!" So Mom did. Her dad pulled around the corner reallllly slowly and drove past our car. While he was doing that, Mom opened the door on Moxi's side and she popped out. Her dad had been totally freaked. I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard or felt like such a stalker. It was great.

So tomorrow (or later today, depending on how you look at it) is Day Two. I want to talk about how badly I feel about the fact that Moxi was horribly miserable, and what I did once I was home, but I gotta be up in five hours for more marching, so I'll save that for next time.

Signing off exhausted, but feeling okay,

Monday, August 2, 2010



My mom and stepdad are getting a divorce, and my mom's cousin and her eleven year old daughter Hannah are moving in, but first we're doing a trial period. And I like Hannah. I really do. She's sweet, and kinda fun. But she's starting to get on my nerves.

I barely get any time to myself. Like, at all. She's always there. And if she's not, she's texting me. Including right now. And on Sunday, I told her I was talking on the phone with my dad, and she kept texting me "where r u?" "wat r u doin?" "r u done yet?" I NEVER should have shown her that texting app for the iPod. I'm on total social overload! I can't be around people twenty-four/seven! It's just not who I am. I'm not anti-social or anything, but even when I have friends over, I need to take little breaks every now and then.

Second off, there are these seemingly little things that kind of tick me off. I mean, yeah, they're stupid stuff, but they're driving me nuts. My inner Grammar Nazi is going crazy, for one. And she took a shower earlier... Left her hair in the drain, left the bath mat down so it can mold, stood on the rug while drying off (this I know because it's been hanging up for an hour and a half and STILL wet), left the shower curtain open so that can mold, too... She even almost sat in my seat in the car. That is a big no no. Everybody in the family knows that you do NOT sit in my seat unless I've got shotgun. I don't adjust well to changes like that. I sit in the middle row passenger side seat. Always. She tried to take it. I know this is irrational and what not, but remember, I'm not one-hundred percent sane. It's not my fault that these things drive me batty. She also tried to eat my poptarts. Okay, there are four different kind of poptarts in there, girl, and you picked from the only box I can eat (not even because of flavor, but because of my stomach problems)???

And I don't get the time with my mom like I used to. I'm really close to my mom, and I need my one-on-one time with her. I haven't had any since Saturday. Like, at all. It sucks, to say the least.

Now, with all that said, I want Hannah and Terri to move in. It's what's best for everybody. My mom needs financial help. Terri needs a place to live and someone to help discipline Hannah. Hannah's an only child who's really overweight and doesn't have a lot of friends, and she needs to go to the middle school I went to so at least she can have the amazing teachers I did. My sisters need somebody else to hang out with because I can't stand them 98% of the time because they're so much like their dad.

Signing off to tell Hannah yet again that I'm going to bed and she needs to STOP TEXTING ME,