We claimed freshmen yesterday, and nobody wanted this girl named Sarah, so I took her. I wanted a freshman, I didn't care what she was like. I've been dreaming about this since band camp last year. I wanted to be to some little freshman what my upperclassmen friends were to me. I met Sarah, and I liked her. Jenn was stepping on my toes about her, but I was ignoring that. Until today.
We're supposed to have a pencil at every rehearsal. I had one in the morning, but it was in my denim shorts pocket and I changed to my other shorts at the last minute for the evening session (denim's not comfortable in ninety degree weather when you're marching), and I forgot to grab the pencil. We were writing on our charts (kind of like blueprints for where we need to be on the field) how to get from one spot to another. I was afraid to ask Mr. Wittman for one because of the fact that the social anxiety makes me terrified to call attention to myself like that. Jenn had already written everything on her own time, so I asked if I could borrow her pencil. She grudgingly let me have it. I mean, it's not like I let her share my pencil last year or anything. I set it down for a second so I could flip the chart over and she snatched it away. Sarah saw this, and offered me her pencil. Mr. Wittman saw Sarah without a pencil, and so he asked if she needed one. She said "No, I have one. We're sharing mine." And he gave me a pencil. Later, we were exiting the auditorium when Jenn passed me and said something like "Not my fault. I thought you were done."
This would've been something I could've let slide if it had stopped there, but it didn't. Later, Jenn and Sarah and the other sophomore, Meghan, were standing in a circle and talking about something and laughing. I couldn't hear all of it, but I caught enough bits and pieces to know they were talking about the pencils, and now Sarah's completely ignoring me. And Adam, my section leader, knows about my stomach issues and that they get worse when I get hot, and he would periodically turn around and fan me. Every. single. time. he did that, Jenn called him over because she "needed help." If I was a bolder person, I would have said "All you need is a punch in the mouth" or something to that effect. Of course, me being me, I didn't do that. I just kept quiet.
So half my section hates me so far. Whitney, the other freshman, is likely to go over to the dark side soon, because she and Sarah are really good friends. And I'm the one who brought cookies yesterday! All I'll have left is Adam and Maya. Of course, if I could choose which two would be on my side, it'd be those two because they're my section leaders :D
My Aunt Terri is telling me to kill them with kindness, but I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if it's even worth it. It won't work, that I know. I've been nothing but kind and helpful to Sarah the past two days, even after she stopped talking to me. It takes too much effort to be kind to Jenn. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't see the point of it. She's going to hate me no matter what, so why bother?
Signing off, pissed and devastated,